How do I find and choose a mediator?

Short answer: start with what your case needs, then check the official record. If a court ordered mediation, read the order first: it may set a deadline to choose, or require someone from the court's own list. If you're mediating privately, compare training, experience, fees, and format, and check any claimed certification against your state's official court roster. Then ask each candidate about conflicts of interest, fees in writing, how they run sessions, and how they handle safety.

This is general information, not legal advice. States certify and regulate mediators differently. See how mediation works in your state →

Step 1: Know what your case requires

If a court ordered mediation

Read the order. Courts commonly give the parties a short window to agree on a mediator and appoint one if they don't. In Idaho family cases, for example, the parties have 28 days from the mediation order to choose any person to act as mediator; if they don't, the court must appoint one from the roster kept by the Idaho Supreme Court.¹ Starting your search early keeps the choice in your hands. See court-ordered mediation.

The order may also limit who can serve. Many states set qualifications for court-connected mediators. Texas, for example, requires court-appointed mediators to complete at least 40 classroom hours of dispute resolution training, plus 24 more hours for cases about the parent-child relationship.² Georgia requires neutrals who serve in court programs and court-ordered mediation to be registered with the state's Office of Dispute Resolution.³

If you're mediating privately

You have more freedom. You can choose a mediator based on experience, approach, cost, and format, including someone in another area or state who works online. See do I need a mediator certified in my state?

Step 2: Find candidates and check the official record

• State court rosters. Many state court systems publish lists of mediators they certify, register, or approve. Idaho, for example, keeps a public roster of child custody mediators listing each mediator's license or degree and the counties and districts where they work.⁴
• Local court lists. Individual courts often keep their own lists. In Texas, courts in counties with 25,000 or more people must keep a list of people registered with the court to serve as mediators.⁵
• MediationList. Our listings come from official court and government rosters, and every listing links to its source and shows when we verified it. Browse by state.

Even if you find a mediator another way, look them up on the official roster for your state and case type before you hire them.

Important

Read marketing claims carefully. "Certified" means little unless you know who certified the mediator and for what. Florida's mediator rules, for example, say it is misleading for a mediator to imply that prior service as a judge makes them a better mediator, and they bar mediators from promising specific outcomes.⁶

Step 3: Questions to ask a mediator

Use these in a phone call or email before you hire anyone.

Training and experience

• What mediation training have you completed, and are you on any court roster? In which state, and for what type of case?
• How many cases like ours have you mediated, such as divorces with a business, relocation, or a child with special needs?

Conflicts of interest

• Have you ever worked with or for the other side, their lawyer, or their family?
• Is there anything that could make one of us question your neutrality?

Court rules commonly require mediators to disclose conflicts. Idaho's family rule, for example, says the mediator must be impartial and must tell the parties about any circumstances bearing on possible bias or prejudice.¹

Fees

• Do you charge by the hour, by the session, or a flat fee? Is there a minimum fee, travel charge, or charge for preparing the written agreement?
• What do you charge if we cancel or postpone?
• How will the fee be split between us?
• Will you give us your fees in writing before we start?

Some court rules require this up front. Idaho's rule says a mediator's fees and expenses must be clearly set forth and explained at the initial conference.¹ See divorce mediation cost.

How sessions work

• Do you meet with us together, separately, or both?
• Do you mediate in person, online, or both? See online mediation.
• How long are sessions, and how many do cases like ours usually take?
• Will you prepare a written agreement if we settle, and what happens after that?

Safety

• How do you screen for domestic violence or safety concerns?
• What do you do if one person feels intimidated?

If there has been abuse or you're afraid, raise it before the first session. See when divorce mediation is not recommended.

Tip

Ask both sides to talk with the mediator before you commit. A short call with each person often shows whether the mediator's style will work for you both.

Step 4: Compare and decide

Look for someone who answers clearly, puts fees in writing, explains their process, and takes safety seriously. Credentials matter, especially in court cases, but so does whether you both feel heard. For more on the role, see what does a mediator do?

If something goes wrong

If you believe a court-certified or rostered mediator broke the rules, contact the court office that keeps the roster. In Idaho, for example, anyone who knows of misconduct by a rostered child custody mediator may file a complaint with the Administrative Office of the Courts within 180 days of discovering the facts.⁴ Other states have their own complaint processes.

Ready to compare? Browse mediators by state or get matched with up to three.

This is general information, not legal advice.